• Prav

Engaged but not really..?

Updated: May 10, 2020

If you're indian I'm going to bet you can relate to this. The whole spontaneous unexpected proposal is a little harder to orchestrate.

Nevertheless my fiance didn't get out of planning the most perfect proposal (if you like cheesy details you can read it about it on my previous post) and I still found myself crying as he got down on one knee.

We both knew we wanted to get married and had talked about and in a loved up bubble you tell your parents. The next thing you know your parents are talking, the dates and locations are being negotiated and within a couple of phone calls you have a wedding date and you're getting married!

It makes complete sense to your indian friends, they know the drill - the wedding is just as much about the family as it is about the couple. To your parents it's modern and things are so different to their own arranged marriages.

For us it's an unusual crossroads, I've grown up watching as many hollywood movies as I have bollywood and thanks to all those Rom-Coms you want that dream proposal - and so you don't really feel engaged until your partner has got down on one knee and given you that fairytale moment! It's materialistic yes but I'm the first to admit I have been fully brainwashed by the De-Beers diamond ring notion and it's one marketing campaign I won't be fighting. If you have gone against this norm then I am seriously impressed.

I was always admanat that I wanted to my future husband to propose before things became official between our families - thadidn't work out, in hindsight I was dreaming and I realised this pretty quickly, but I didn't mind because ultimately we were getting married and that was the main thing.

Explaining this situation at work was another story. A casual question of 'do you have a boyfriend?' was answered with a "yeahh I do.." and you go on to explain how you are actually getting married but it feels strange to call him your fiance because you aren't really engaged, but you have set a wedding date. Let alone explaining how we have managed a long distance relationship.

Can anyone else relate to this?

Safe to say I am thrilled that all the confusion is over and I can happily say I'm engaged! It has confused some aunties and uncles though - who have wondered how we can be engaged without having done a Karmai or Chunni. It's quite the opposite explanation of what a proposal is...

This whole experience has highlighted how differently the generations see this process and it has really become a mesh of two cultures. Everyone is doing engagement shoots and proposals, yet our parents still want us to get down on one knee infront of all the family - not quite as romantic but a little ode to both cultures.

What was your experience? How did you navigate it all? I'd love to hear your story!

xo Prav

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